In progress...

A suitcase full of tupperware, zip lock bags, and aluminum foil with homemade food was waddling between her legs as she sipped the well needed coffee on the train that morning. Why was she up that early going back to her small, messy, and more importantly lonely apartment, this she did not know. Morning was never her best time of day, but a nagging mother and a non approving father was enough for her this day. Spending two days with them was plenty for this weekend, Sunday was her day to relax and cuddle on the couch with a Bones marathon on TNT. What she may have forgotten through her caffeine feeding veins is that back at her apartment, there was nobody to cuddle with, and who knows if they switched Bones for The Mentalist today.

As her eyes started to close and her coffee cup slated toward to the right, she was startled by the ring of a phone, hers.

"What's up?" she asked. No need for politeness or anything of that sort. It was her best friend. You know, the kind you've known for years, and even though you've both been so busy living your separate lives, when you do make time for that long lunch during work to meet, you just pick up right where you left off. You hug, you kiss, you start pouring your heart out, you vent, you cry, you say goodbye. They were far from similar in appearance, personality, morals, or life plans. Yet for the past 11 years they have been the best of friends, sharing all their hopes, dreams, worries, tears, laughs and celebrations.

"Yeah I'm on the train now. Mom packed me a suitcase full of food. I'm not slightly kidding. With every bump, I'm worried something might spill"

"Hey I'm sorry we didn't get to see each other this weekend. Definitely next, I promise. Maybe we can meet in New Brunswick and have a girls night out. You can be my wingman." A slight laugh, and their conversation continued for a few minutes as they caught up on what's going on in their lives.

"Really? Wow. I'm shocked. You finally had the marriage talk. Well it's about time. You've been going strong for over a year." A slight frown came over her face as she tried to still sound happy and peppy for her friend.

"Mom packing you food, huh? I miss that." said a man next to her across the isle as soon as she hung up. It took her a moment to respond.

"Yeah. They're great. I don't really need all of this. I like cooking, although I sometimes don't really get around to shopping for groceries to cook with...but when I do, I'm all good." she said as she gave him a sweet smile. He deserved it, he was a cutie pie. He was in his mid to late twenties she thought, with dark brown hair, medium length, with blazing blue eyes, and a sweet kind of sad smile.

"Well it's still nice for her to help you out, my mom used to do that when I first moved out. My college roommates were very glad also."

"Yeah I'm lucky. Are you in college now?" she asked.

"No I graduated a few years ago. What about you?"

"I'm in grad school in the city. I'm really not a city girl. I just moved here, and I don't anybody. I rented a small crappy apartment in a moderately safe area. I think. I don't know where the good areas are actually."

"I live in the city. I could show you around if you want. Do you use Google Earth? There's this feature on there were you can draw on the map and add notes and things. I could make a very detailed map of where you go to eat, movie theaters, shopping, groceries, places to stay absolutely away from."

"Mass transit."

"Yes that too." he smiled.

"That would be extremely helpful. I would really appreciated it." they smiled at each other and suddenly their eye contact was broken by a couple looking for seats in the crowded morning traffic.

"You could sit over there honey, and I'll be there." the man said to his girl friend while pointing at the empty seat next to me.

"Could you please let me have the isle seat so I can talk with my husband miss?" she asked me.

"How about I sit over there and you and your husband can seat together." she said while trying to get approval from the boy she had been talking too. He smiled in approval and she went to sit with him.

"Thanks so much." the woman's husband said.

"Hi. I'm Nick by the way." he told her while putting out his hand for a quick shake. What's the origin of this polite expression anyway?

"Nice to meet you Nick, I'm Ana."

As soon as she sat down her station was coming fast. She wasn't paying attention to where the train was and time flew.

"Oh this is me. I can't believe we got here so fast. I'm sorry I gatta run. I have to meet with someone at school." with the fear of being late yet again to her meeting with her advisor she picked up her suitcase of goodies and left.

"Alright, well nice to meet you!" He yelled after her with a slight wave. "Didn't even get her number. Good move Nick." he muttered under his breath as he watched her walk briskly toward the exit from the platform.

~********************************************************************************~

"Are you serious? Come on Chris!" she yelled as he walked down the hall to the stairwell of her apartment complex.

"I'm sorry Ana. Rain check. Another time!" he yelled back and sprinted down the stairs almost knocking over the pizza delivery boy.

"Whoa!" the pizza boy said.

"Sorry man." said Chris. He didn't really mean that.

Ana is still in disbelieve in her doorway getting angrier by the minute as the pizza boy arrives.

"Half plain, half chicken?" he asked her as their eyes met.

"Oh you. Nick right?" she asked as the pizza boy's face suddenly became familiar.

"Ana, hey! What a coincidence." his heart jumped a little as the girl that slipped away on the train was his last call on this cool Friday night.

What if?

Short story in progress. Maybe I'll never expand it, but I just had the urge to write it down. It's late, I can't sleep. I should try though, another week is ahead.

What if he never said anything? Most importantly, what if I didn't? We're all in control of our own destinies, our own decisions, right? If only it were that simple. Sometimes you make a decision without reason, without consideration, without thinking about the consequences. I couldn't stop him from saying it, that's just the way life works. What I could have done was take a moment and think about it. Why didn't I think about what the really meant? I'm not a spur of the moment person, that's just not me. I must admit, sometimes I wish I was. I wish I was the type of person that if I really had the urge to go to London and to Paris, and to Rome, that I would find a way to get that plane ticket and be gone in the next 24 hours. I want to be that adventurous, I want not to be afraid of what may happen--of the unknown. But let’s face it, I’m not that person. I’m that shy little girl in the back of the classroom, staring at the floor hoping the teacher wont pick on her for fear of being wrong. Then what happened that day? Let’s start at the beginning--lets start at hello.

“Hi”

“Hey”

Okay now that that’s settled. It was a special day--that day we made first contact. Not so much because we first talked, but because it was February 29th. It only comes around every four years so our society dubs it important--anything can happen day. Maybe if you believe that load of crap something special will happen to you that day, but any day can be special--be it February 29 or a Wednesday in August. After the first day, thinks changed slowly. They began to get more hectic, more stressful, more problematic. How could that be? Isn’t love supposed to make things better? Aren’t you supposed to be happy? But that’s brings on another important questions. What is love? Are you in love when you can’t think of anything else besides that other person? When you can’t live one day without hearing their voice or feeling their kiss?

To make a story a bit shorter--we met, we spent time together, we parted. Sometime in between is where I started this story. I don’t remember the exact date which means….actually I don’t really know what it means. In any regard, it started out much like any other day with him. Popcorn, movie, hugs and kisses. Then something new happened, something that I’ve never experienced before. That’s the moment I wish I could have back. That’s the moment I wish I could change. What would happen if I had thought about what I was really saying? Would we have ended the relationship then and there? Would he have been upset? Would I have been the one to say “Wait, no…this doesn’t feel right.”? I know it’s not healthy to have regrets, but I just wish I knew how different my life would have been if I just would have stopped and thought about my actions. Maybe I wouldn’t have met the person I was supposed to meet? Now there’s an idea. I’d like to think we would have met no matter what, but who really knows. You can’t live your life twice, which really sucks. Better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all? Well, with how things ended up I would have to say no, but then that wouldn’t be what I truly feel. I’m a hopeless romantic. That wont ever change.

He hurt me, that’s true. He made me follow his every word, and every action in a way in which I thought I was just being myself. Maybe he didn’t do it on purpose, maybe it’s just who he is. What I do know for sure is that he wasn’t for me. His way of thinking and mine--night and day. I should have seen it earlier, I should have left him alone, I should have done lots of things. The most important thing is what I shouldn’t have done. I shouldn’t have said “I love you, too.”