I'm confused and worried about marrying someone with a different religion. We are both faithful but not very religious. I just want to make my family and his happy. I really don't think that's possible. Help?Recently my boyfriend of two and a half years and I have gotten on the subject of weddings. I blurted out that I don't even want a church wedding as we were referring to someone else, not our particular wedding. He was kind of shocked by this but after I explained myself, he now understands why a non-church wedding would be best.
Background story. I was baptized Eastern Orthodox. Yes that is a real religion, even though I'm very surprised many people don't know that it exists. Countries such as: Albania, Bulgaria, Georgia, Greece, Macedonia, Romania, Russia, Serbia, and Ukraine are Eastern Orthodox and most of the people in these countries practice their own version of Eastern Orthodoxy. Up until I was about 6 or 7 years old my grandmother raised me, God rest her soul. She was a very religious woman, and never missed a Sunday in church. She taught my cousin and I praisers and stories from the Bible. However, both my parents are educated in science and have never really been as devoted to religion as my grandparents, aunts and uncles. My mother has had a religious renewal, I believe after her surgery and goes to church almost every Sunday. My father on the other hand, does not really like our new priest, and he believes that God can still hear your prayers at home, so he does not attend church anymore. I agree with him on this one, especially since on Christmas the priest gave a really long speech about how you have to come to church because God does not hear you at home since there are no icons or other things at home. This made me really upset. I do believe in God. I do believe that there is someone out there in our hearts who you can pray to, tell your worries, apologize for your weaknesses, and he will hear what is really in hour heart and forgive you. However, I do not agree with all aspects of the religion that I was baptized in. Honestly, I don't really know what I'm supposed to believe in. I never went to Sunday school or to a religious high school. My parents never told me I should pray, but they did expect me to go to Church with them when I was younger (if they went). So really, I don't know much about my religion. But I do like the tradition of it; I like telling people that I'm Eastern Orthodox and tell them how it is different from Catholicism or other religions (at least the things I know about).
Okay so now my boyfriend who I believe I will marry one day soon because we are great together. He was baptized in a Presbyterian Church. His mother attended that church since she was little, but his father is Catholic. They are not church goers, however. They do make a point of going to church on Christmas and Easter, like a lot of other people. Also his brother is a big member of their youth group, so in honesty, they are more attached to their church community than we are. My boyfriend however is very indifferent but has never said that he does not believe in God, and his surprise to my statement that I don't want to be married in a church told me that he has thought about our wedding.
Now here are the problems with getting married in my church. It is very small, my parents and I will be the only Eastern Orthodox people there, for everyone else it will be very different, the procedures of the wedding are very long, and they don't recite the ceremony in English; there are many specific steps to the ceremony such are crowning and walking about the alter, and things like that; also the maid of honor and the best man must be Eastern Orthodox because they take part in the wedding and also traditionally they are the godparents to the first born child; if the baptism would take place in Eastern Orthodox church then the godparents would be a very big part of the procedures. My maid of honor will most likely be Orthodox, but his best man will definitely not be. He does not need to convert though, which is one good thing.
Getting married in his church would a weird also because nobody knows me there and they would obviously have to know I'm not Presbyterian. I don't think I would have to convert which is good, but my parents would not be happy for their only child to be married in a strange church of which neither them or I know the beliefs or practices of. And I'm sure his parents would not like their son to be married in a different church also.
So what does this leave us with? Well there are banquet halls and outdoor weddings possible in front of a lake and a gazebo or something of that sort. Who would marry us though? We would have to have somebody! Also he says that he's never known of a wedding that took place in his church, so I don't know if his pastor would even come to do our wedding outside the church. Ugh! Annoying.
The reason that this is on my mind is because I hope to get married in the next 2 years. We will very very soon find out what we are doing for the next few years, and we will find out if we will live in the same area. It is very likely we will move to the same city to continue our education, so a proposal would be very appropriate after we find out.
Also I am very excited about having children also. Where would they be baptized? When you baptize a child in a church you have to be in good standing with that church, and you have to be baptized yourself (at least one of the parents) there. You also must have your godparents be Eastern Orthodox and you must promise yourself and the church that you will raise your child in that religion. How can I baptize my children Orthodox or Presbyterian if I myself don't fully believe in either of these religions and I don't go to church there? I don't want to be a hypocrite. At the same time there is that tradition factor, and that reminder in my heart that I am Eastern Orthodox and my grandmother tried hard to show me our beliefs, so not baptizing my children at all will not set well with me or my parents. I'm supposed to believe in original sin, which I really don't; but at the same time I do want to baptize my child in a church so he/she will be protected and filled with God's love. I know the people in that child's life should teach the child about love, prayers, God, and faith, but it would put me more at ease if a priest would bless the child as well.
I'm so confused. What should I do? I don't want to be a hypocrite. I want everyone to be as happy as they can be without making me miserable. I don't want my parents to hold a grudge for me or my boyfriend and his family. I don't want his parents to think I'm taking their little boy away and changing his views. I want both families to love our children and get along with each other. I only grew up with one set of grandparents, and only saw the other once or twice a year, if that. I don't want that for my children. I just want to make everyone happy. However, I don't think that will be possible.
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