Grrrrrr....

So the first person from my high school graduation class (that I know of) just got engaged. There was another one but that one really didn't count since her boyfriend went to the army and then they got divorced right away anyway. And plenty of other girls had kids (plural) but didn't get married. This girl is graduating from college now and just got engaged. UGH! It does make me feel a little old, but mostly I'm jealous. For me, when someone gets engaged at any point in their life, but especially now, I feel like they have their life in order. They both have income, a place to stay, and they know what next year brings, and the year after that. I really want to be like that. So badly! At this moment in my life nothing is certain. I want stability!

Unfortunately/fortunately by the end of this week I will know more about my life, but then again not really. My boyfriend has to decide where his going for graduate school. I only got into one place, but I hope to get into one other one (one of the ones he got into). So we're both freaking out the moment. What if he says yes to the first school, but I don't get in there (I applied late), but what if he accepts the other school and then I get into the first school and I want to go there. My parents aren't helping since they don't want me to go wherever he goes. We've been planning to go to the same grad school since we started dating. And this desire has only increased over the years as our love for each other got stronger and stronger. So we really cannot be apart now. It's just not going to happen. My friends keep saying "It's going to work out". Well I need them to work out RIGHT NOW! There's no time. There's no time for decision, or anything. On Friday he's gotta tell the first school yes or no, and then that'll be that. If he says yes I'm going to have to pray that I do get into that school and that it's a good decision for me to go there. Right now I'm not too certain if the one that I got into is better or worse then his number one. If he says no, then he's going to have to go to the other school which is close to my number one, so even though it's not the same school we'll still be living together. This sucks!